who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize