I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize