Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
