Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
