shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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