shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
