I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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