I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
