It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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