i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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