i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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