i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
