I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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