Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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