I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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