Im at strip club and am horny
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
