I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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