To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
