i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
