I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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