Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
