My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
third nipple confirmed
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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