I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
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Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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