Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
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We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
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Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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