Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
