Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
