then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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