He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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