I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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