Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh god it's open bar.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
