I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
