i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
