Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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