I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
