After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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