So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
