I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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