Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
