Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
