I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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