and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Randomize
