I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
that is very illegal...i love you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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