I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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