I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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