I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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