Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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