i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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