remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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