one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
