there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
