I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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