The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
