i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
