is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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