morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
