I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
