Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh god it's open bar.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
