Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
