he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i drank out of a bidet.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
