Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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